Hello, everyone.  I wanted to remind everyone I’ll be on the screenwriting panel at the California Writer’s Conference this Sunday at 11:00 a.m. at the Hyatt Regency Newport Beach.  The panel is from Now Write! which publishes screenwriting books.  Come join me.  The address is 1107 Jamboree Road, Newport Beach 92660.  Come up and say hello.

As you all know, I attempt to provide information that you don’t normally get a screenwriting workshops, screenwriting courses or screenwriting classes.  This is not the fault of the instructors as there is limited time to teach when you’ve got only a few hours and you’re lecturing to dozens of writers.

In this vein, we’ve been talking about my pet peeves and I have found this line of discussion very satisfying, as these mistakes come up time and again.

So many of these peeves really come from writers who are not taking the care, time and effort it requires to write a great script.

You have to be aware of how competitive this world is.  Anything less than greatness will not cut it.  So you need to really spend the time required to go for greatness.  Is that any different in other highly competitive fields?  No, of course not.  If you are lazy, or will accept anything short of your best efforts, this is not the work for you.

Going back to our last topic of character descriptions, there is nothing more telling than the way a screenwriter introduces his or her protagonist.  If it’s sloppy or cliché’d, you instantly find something more interesting to do than to continue reading the screenplay.  Anything will do, including washing the dishes.

Let’s look at some great character descriptions.  The following are from the writers in my workshops, not famous screenwriters I’ve been quoting earlier:

Baby – barely dressed, barely educated and barely legal.

Jamie – a sullen and hard 15-year-old.

Crystal Ann Logan – she looks as concerned as the Botox will allow her.

Elsa – late 20’s, chubby with glasses and an attitude.

From these great descriptions, you can see it is possible to achieve something really wonderful even if you haven’t achieved superstardom in the field of screenwriting.

But it takes time and effort.  Don’t just dash something down and think you’ve nailed it.  Not to say that sometimes you will nail it but oftentimes it’s just a first look at something.  Then you refine and refine and refine again.

Impress the readers with your command of the language, your feeling of style and energy, and most of all your commitment to making it just right.

We’ll talk more about this in the weeks to come.

Until then – KEEP WRITING!

Share this:

Hello, everyone. As you know I try and provide insights into areas of screenwriting that you don’t normally get in screenwriting courses, screenwriting workshops and screeenwriting classes.

I’ve been discussing my pet peeves and here is another one on my list.

Character descriptions.

When you first introduce characters, especially important characters in your story, you want to describe them in the shortest way possible but do it with style and imagination.

If you can really nail your protagonist or antagonist with great imagery, it will make that character come alive in the readers’ minds.

Let’s look at a few great character descriptions from well known movies.  The following three are from Face/Off, one of my favorite films:

Caster Troy – is cool, efficient, aggressive and sexual.

Lars Muller – a muscular, crystallized jarhead.

Polix Troy – skittish, brilliant, paranoid, a human hummingbird.

The next one is from Escape from New York:

Snake Plixskin – long hair, black eye patch, a tight lipped grimace, coiled aggression and intense cynicism – a legend.

This one is from Con Air:

Three cons, so nasty they find sudden infant death syndrome a hoot.

Get the idea?  We write everything visually, with great imagery, including the description of our characters.  We don’t just dash something down, especially description that is too long or mundane.

Readers want to see everything visually, so when you’re reading a script you’re actually seeing the movie unfold on screen.

When you create great descriptions for your characters from that point on I’m seeing that character in my mind and they literally pop off the page.  Take time in nailing down exactly the way you want the reader to visualize your characters.  Write them with style and energy, just as you write the rest of the narrative.

You’ll impress the reader and immediately gain his or her loyalty.  We’ll talk more about this subject in the weeks to come.

Until then – KEEP WRITING

Share this:

Hello, everyone.  Great to be back in communication with everyone after the Labor Day week-end.  As you know I attempt to give information that is not readily available in screenwriting workshops, screenwriting classes and screenwriting courses.

I have been writing about my pet peeves and it has been rewarding for myself as well as it helps me to categorize the most important areas of screenwriting foibles.

These mistakes become glaringly obvious when you read lots of screenplays and they do nothing but alienate you from the reader, who would like nothing more than to find the next great screenplay.

The following is a more subtle mistake screenwriters can make but it is an error nonetheless and should be avoided at all costs.

Repeating words.

I see this frequently — for one reason I think because it’s harder to catch by the writer.

I have to reread my scripts and prose constantly to make sure I’m not committing this error and oftentimes I catch myself doing it even if I’ve proofread the script many times.

You’ve written that Jerry had a “life changing experience.”  Then in the next paragraph you write that same phrase.  Or you tell us he “scampered” through the grass and then use that same verb a couple of paragraphs down.

As readers we are sensitive to word choice.  We don’t want to see the same choice (you see I just repeated myself!) being made on the same page or in fact in two pages in a row.

You need to find new ways to describe a character – if you say he’s a saloon keeper, don’t keep referring to him in the same way.  Give him a name if he has dialogue, call him the proprietor, say the barkeep, make sure you’re not boring us to death by always calling him the same thing.

Know this – readers get bored very easily.  They want to be surprised, they want to hear different ways of describing something or someone.  If you refer to a red rose, find new ways to talk about it – the gorgeous flower, the red petals shone in the light, etc.  Show your skills of the language.

I want to be impressed by the care you take in describing a character or how you describe action.  I don’t want to hear the same words being repeated when if you took more time you could find more interesting ways of saying the same thing.

And that doesn’t mean using overly ornate language when you can easily find simpler words to describe the same thing.  You’re not showing off about how intelligent you are, you’re simply keeping the description interesting.  Somebody can be lonely, sad, empty and heartbroken – all different ways to describe slightly varied emotional states without repeating the same phrase twice.

Oftentimes, this occurs without you even realizing you’re doing it.  So you need to carefully proof your narrative and dialogue to make sure you’re not being redundant.

Have as many colors in your palette as possible.  Make sense?  We will discuss more of my pet peeves in the weeks to come.

Until then – KEEP WRITING!

Share this:

Hello, everyone.  More advise you will not get in your typical screenwriting course, screenwriting class or screenwriting workshop.

When writing about Creating A Great Read I got hot and bothered by my pet peeves.  They all relate to this topic.

When one writes a first draft, the writer is not so concerned with writing great narrative.  At first, we’re just trying to get something down on paper.  Then we can have more fun as we go back and polish and refine our narrative and dialogue.

But unfortunately many screenwriters pay way more attention to dialogue than they do to the narrative.

In this regard, I see the same mistakes occurring again and again with the writers I work with.

Let’s start with my #2 biggest peeve:

Writing the narrative in the passive voice.  Instead of writing “Jane is buying her groceries at Wallmart,” you should be writing:  “Jane buys her groceries at Wallmart.”

Never write someone is doing anything.  Your protagonist shops, walks, shoots or buys.  Make it active.  “Jane is walking” is not as active as “Jane walks.”

Bill is not feeling good, “Bill feels good.”

I want to be there, I want to experience what the character is experiencing and one way is for me to read the character doing the action in the active voice.

Screenwriters – be more in the world of what your characters are doing and experiencing.  Put yourself there, smell the smells, feel the texture, see what the character sees, make us feel that reality as well.  Never write unemotionally, from a distance.

You know you’re cooking as a writer when you laugh out loud by something that just happened, or you get goose bumps or actually get tears to your eyes because of what you just created.  If you’re not experiencing some emotion, then you are not plumbing deep enough.  Figure out the problem and immerse your character in deeper emotions.

As you can see, this idea about making your character as active as possible is only another way of saying, strip away the social veneer of how we all live.  None of us want to be vulnerable.  Nobody willingly faces their demons or their greatest fears or vulnerabilities.  We all hide in our little cocoons because we don’t want to be hurt or have to face our failings.

So that is your job.  You create situations where the characters are forced to feel.  They’ve got no other choice but to face what they’ve been trying to deny.  That’s actually what a plot point is.  You create a situation where the character has no other choice but to confront their deepest insecurities.

That’s what moves an audience.  Not guns and bullets.  But fears and insecurities.  Even in the highest testosterone shoot-em ups like Die Hard and the Bourne movies, they stand apart because of what the characters face emotionally and the character arcs you develop for the protagonists.

Make it active.  Keep the protagonist engaged emotionally.  Make sure you’re engaged.  Be alive in the created worlds you are imagining.  It isn’t really fantasy, it’s your inner world you’re allowing all of us to see.  I want to feel, I want to care.  Is there something in your screenplay that you’re exposing to us about yourself?  That will move us all.

We’ll explore more of my pet peeves in the weeks to come.

Until then – KEEP WRITING!

Share this:

Hello, everyone. For all of you who follow this blog, you know I’m here to give you information you wouldn’t normally get in a screenwriting course, screenwriting workshop or screenwriting class.

We’ve been talking about Creating A Great Read and I’ve been attempting to give you an insight into how important it is that you give great importance to your narrative – the style and tone you set and how you spend time making sure the sentences are written with energy and precision.

So now let me give you some added information.  These are my pet peeves – what I constantly see when analyzing the scripts of my students and when doing private consultations with writers from all over the world:

Breaking up dialogue with stage directions.  Screenwriters constantly do this.  Instead of just letting the dialogue play, the writer is constantly inserting stage directions that interrupt the flow of the dialogue.

Here’s an example:

Using a flashlight, Rachel and Ben bend down next to the tire.

BEN

Hey, hand me that lug wrench.

Rachel gets the wrench to him.

RACHEL

How come you’re so hard on Karen?

Ben is on his knees working on the flat.

BEN

She could do better.  Here hold these lugs.

Rachel takes the lugs from him.

RACHEL

I know she’s trying her best.

Ben continues to struggle with the tire.

BEN

I wonder about that.

Do you see what I mean?  Every time someone speaks, the screenwriter inserts some bit of narrative to describe the action.

This slows down the read.  In effect, you’re telling the director how to direct his actors with each unimportant detail of action.

Instead, just write:

As they change the tire…

RACHEL

How come you’re so hard on Karen?

BEN

She could do better.  Here, hold these lugs.

KAREN

I know she’s trying her best.

BEN

I wonder about that.

Let the dialogue play.  You don’t have to slow down the read by detailing every stage direction.  It’s way easier on the eyes to scan a page of dialogue rather than keep interrupting the dialogue with mundane bits of description.

And, if you simply tell us they’re changing the tire, in our minds we imagine what they’re doing far more creatively than if you break it down step-by-step.

As I’ve written before, you’re not just writing for yourself.  You’re writing to entertain others, like the development people and readers and producers who will judge your script.  Make the read as enjoyable as possible.

Make the page as readable as possible.  I have more pet peeves I will share with you in the future to help you on this journey.

Until then – KEEP WRITING!

Share this:

Hello, everyone. In my own unique way, I’m attempting to offer guidance in areas not normally covered in your typical screenwriting course, screenwriting class or screenwriting workshop.

We’ve been discussing Creating A Great Read and it is this skill that has often made the difference between getting your script noticed and having it languish.

Let’s take a look at Escape from L.A. by John Carpenter, a writer and director who clearly has grasped this skill.

DARKNESS.

A pounding metallic beat begins.  Twists of SOUND in a tightrope rhythm.  The SNAP of a military SNARE DRUM.

SUPERIMPOSE:  1998.

FEMALE NARRATOR

Forces hostile to the United States

grow strong in the late 20^th Century.

A DARK TABLEAU – CITY STREET – LOS ANGELES – NIGHT

Graffiti-smeared walls.  Fires raging.  Automatic weapons FIRE. Shadowy FIGURES dash through the Southern California night.

FEMALE NARRATOR

A great moral crisis grips the

nation as social revolution and a

breakdown of the criminal justice system

threaten society.

A LINE OF POLICEMEN – NIGHT

They stand like sentinels.  Black uniforms.  Battle

helmets.  Gleaming military assault weapons.  Bullet-

proof shields with emblems: the American eagle against a

red background, and in bold letters underneath, THE

UNITED STATES POLICE FORCE.

FEMALE NARRATOR

To protect and defend its

citizens, the United States

Police Force is formed.

Nice writing, isn’t it?  What is so wonderful about this is that the writer instantly sets the tone.  It’s a gritty, tough world we’ve entered and we are immediately thrust into the darkness of this future world.

Also notice there is a rhythm to the writing.  The screenwriter has clearly taken the time to find the right words and descriptions to make this read as exciting as possible.

Verbs in the narrative are most crucial when writing your description.  “Shadowy figures dash…”  They don’t run, they don’t hustle, they dash.  Action words will do more for your narrative than any form of word selection.

Also notice the narrative is not written in complete sentences.  “Black uniforms.  Battle helmets.  Gleaming military assault weapons.”  We don’t need to write in complete sentences if sentence fragments work better in delivering the images we want to burn into the reader’s brains.

Spend time with your narrative.  Create a rhythm for the sentences.  Find just the right verbs to help the reader see the action.  Set the tone.  Be patient and go over your narrative again and again to make it zing.

There are more important lessons to learn here.  We will explore them all.

Until then – KEEP WRITING!

Share this:

Hello, everyone. I hope it’s becoming clear to all of you who’re reading this blog how much there is to gain outside of your typical screenwriting workshop, screenwriting course or screenwriting class.

We’ve been discussing Creating A Great Read for the last few weeks and I hope you’re gaining some insight into this subject, as it makes such a huge difference in getting your scripts sold.

And let’s face it.  We’re attempting to wow the reader or the producer or the director or whomever is reading our script.  So we need to make the read as enjoyable as possible.

This is what the beginning screenwriter doesn’t quite understand at first.  He or she thinks they’re writing to please themselves and that is true to some degree.  But ultimately this is a business and we have a product we’re trying to sell.  So we need to make that product as attractive as possible, not just pleasing ourselves but being aware of who the buyer is and what they are looking for.

When we write our narrative at first we’re attempting to see the action and visuals as clearly as possible.  But on subsequent revisions, we go through the narrative with a fine tooth comb and cut as much as we possibly can, giving the feel of a scene rather than a blow-by-blow description of it.

Here’s an example from “Braveheart,” one of the best action screenplays ever written:

ON THE BRIDGE

the Scots are carving their way through the English soldiers; nothing can stop them.  Wallace is relentless; each time he swings, a head flies, or an arm.  Hamish and Stephen fight beside him, swinging the broadsword with both hands…

You see here the screenwriter isn’t giving you a blow-by-blow description of every piece of action but he’s giving you a sense of the battle, without going into exhaustive detail.  He gives you just enough so that you can fill in the details and it’s much more powerful in your imagination than it could ever be on the written page.

Remember, whatever action you write, will undoubtedly be changed anyway by the director and stunt people.  So why not give a sense of the great action you see in your mind, rather than bore us with endless details?

The same goes for your descriptions of a room or a location.

Here’s a great description of a loading dock written by one of my private students:

“On the open DOCK the doors are filled with square trailers waiting for square boxes, off of square pallets; here dreams have been swapped for steady paychecks and health plans.”

This is the kind of writing that makes my heart swell with admiration when I’m reading a script.  It’s poetic in the best sense of the word.  Not only do I get a feeling for the location but I get a deeper sense of who the characters are and the tone that is being set.

Don’t just write your narrative pedantically.  Make it zing.  Give it rhythm and style.

Here’s another example describing the emotions the characters are experiencing:

INT. VAN – NIGHT

All three are thrown forward and backward in the impact.  Their loose belongings are dumped and fly all over.

NORMAN:

What the hell?

Alex is frozen in panic.  Taylor shouts.

TAYLOR:

Here, help me with this.

Taylor reaches over Alex, unlatches and pushes on the door.  Alex puts his shoulder to it but they can’t budge it.  Three faces of fear.

That last line is a great image.  I see it so well and the line itself has alliteration and zing.

Spend time on your narrative.  It doesn’t need to come in the first draft but it must be considered when you get to subsequent drafts.  It can make all the difference.

There is much more to discuss on this subject.

Until then – KEEP WRITING!

Share this:

Hello, everyone.  In your typical screenwriting courses, screenwriting classes and screenwriting workshops you basically are taught the basics.  I’m trying to do something beyond that.

We’re been talking about Creating A Great Read and there is still much more to discuss on this subject.

When we write our narrative we want it to feel that it’s happening right now, we want to give the feeling of immediacy.  We want the reader to feel what the characters are feeling.

How do we do this?  We engage the 5 senses – what are our characters seeing, what are they hearing, what are smelling, touching, etc…

There is a rule that you can’t put in narrative what isn’t heard in dialogue or seen in film imagery.  That is correct but that doesn’t mean you can’t describe what someone is thinking if the actor can play that emotion.

In other words, if the protagonist feels like his heart has been ripped out of his chest, that is perfectly legitimate to write because an actor can show that emotion.  You can describe that someone is thinking happy thoughts if the actor can portray that is well.  So these descriptions are feelings or thoughts that can legitimately be included if we we can see somehow experiencing those thoughts or emotions.

What isn’t legitimate, for example, is that you describe in narrative that your protagonist is the illegitimate son of the mayor who has just lost his last race and is now fighting the Supreme Court for a reversal of that decision.  This is giving exposition that isn’t in the dialogue or in visual imagery that we can’t possibly know if it weren’t put there in the description.  Make sense?

Now, getting back to our topic of making your narrative immediate, we have to pull the reader into the scene and have them feel what our characters are feeling.

Here’s an example:

EXT. SANTA MONICA PIER – DAY

Take a ticket and step right up.  Sea breezes, amusement park rides glistening against a bright, blue sky, and the weather’s just fine.

Come closer.  Teens shrieking by on the rollercoaster, bikini clad bladers, wide eyed tourists from the Midwest munching on corn dogs – can’t believe this is March.

Enter a BALDING TOURIST in a loud Hawaiian shirt.  He’s barely a blip on the radar screen as he wanders over to a telescope, deposits a quarter.  We take a look, too.

FOCUS out to sea, then over to the nearby cliffs.

ZOOM INTO a RAGGEDY BUM, beard and long hair blowing, sitting on a bench.  Thus begins our tale.

Now do you see what I mean by immediacy and creating a rhythm for your narrative?

These paragraphs were not written at one sitting, you can trust me on that.  They are finely honed sentences with a great sense of style and poetry and word selection.

Notice also how we aren’t getting camera directions but our eyes are being directed to see what the screenwriter is seeing –  “Come closer,” “We take a look, too” “Focus out to sea,” and “ZOOM INTO A RAGGEDY BUM.”  We’re being told what the character sees and the screenwriter uses very clever devices to make it clear we go from LONG SHOT to MEDIUM SHOT to CLOSE UP etc without every really saying that.

Readers and producers and especially directors don’t like you to direct the movie for them, but if you’re clever like this screenwriter, you do so anyway without being obvious about it.

Let’s spend time with our narrative and write with poetry and rhythm and style, creating a great read.  We’ll discuss more tricks on this subject in the next few weeks.

Until then – KEEP WRITING!

Share this:

Hello, everyone.  I keep asking myself what are screenwriters not learning in screenwriting workshops, screenwriting courses and screenwriting class?So that’s what I want to post in this blog.

We’ve been talking about Creating A Great Read and there is no subject that is more important to me when I help other screenwriters on their scripts.

As I’ve said before, this is usually the last skill a screenwriter learns.  First we need to understand structure, then character and character arcs, and then there is the matter of writing great dialogue and structuring scenes.

When all these skills are mastered, we come to this – making our narrative as fun to read as our dialogue.  To invest great energy and style and wit into our description.  One should not think of it really as what novelists do, as we need to be more precise than that.  We need to think of ourselves more as poets in this regard.  We sculpt our description with finely tuned images, nothing is excessive.  Just like a poem, every word and image is there for a reason and there is a rhythm to the narrative and poetic love of words and alliteration.

Let’s move on to other considerations.  We need to use active verbs when we write our narrative.  For example:  Alan doesn’t try to sit on the sofa, he sits on the sofa.  Or he plops down on the sofa.  We don’t write Janie is going to turn on the TV, she turns on the TV.  Make your narrative active.

Avoid “starts to” “is doing” “begins to” or “ing.”  She walks, she throws, she knits, not she is knitting, she is throwing, etc.

You have no idea how often I see this mistake in screenplays.

Another common mistake I see in narrative and dialogue is the repetition of the same word on a page.  Never repeat the same word, find a synonym to replace that word so you’re not repetitive.

William Martell, a popular instructor of screenwriting has another rule:  Kill the widows.  What does he mean by that?

When the last word of the sentence carries over onto a new line of description, it’s called a “widow.”  A single word which takes up an entire line of space.  Extremely wasteful.  Make sure you avoid that at all costs.  Rewrite the line so you have one single line instead of two.

Here’s a quote from Martell:  “I always do a rewrite to kill all the widows.  If one or two words from the end of a sentence end up taking up an entire line, I rework the sentence until I can get it to fit entirely on one line.  My goal is a widow-free script.  Not only does this force me to choose the correct words, eliminate useless or fatty words, and write clear, concise sentences; it also trims my script, allowing room for more important elements.  And the script looks clean on the page!

The easiest two words to trim of a sentence are AND and BUT.  Usually these words are completely unnecessary.  Cut them.

Write strong sentences and strong images.  You command the page.  You control the words.  You control the reader.  This is writing with confidence.”

Great advise from Mr. Martell.  Stephen King in his excellent book on writing has more advice on this subject.  He tells writers to cut all adverbs if at all possible.  For example, “he strides purposefully into the room.”  Cut “purposefully.”  Just by saying strides we get the intention here.  The adverb is not necessary.  If you choose the right verb you won’t need the adverb.

Very good.  Those are great tips about word selection.  We will move on to other areas of Creating A Great Read in the weeks to come.

Until the – KEEP WRITING!

Share this:

Hello, everyone. I’m attempting to give you information that you wouldn’t normally get in a screenwriting course, screenwriting workshop or screenwriting class.  There is no time for this kind of detailed analysis and instruction.  I hope you’re enjoying it.

We have been discussing Creating A Great Read and all the tips and tricks used by professional screenwriters to make their narrative as energetic and poetic as possible.

And yes, I use that word poetic here with real emphasis.  Great narrative is poetic – it has a rhythm and style and describes things in imagery, just as poetry does.  It’s also very precise and succinct.  Paragraphs of narrative are not big blocks of writing, they engage the reader with emotion and style.  Every word is there for a reason.  In other words, it pulses with energy.

Let’s talk about word selection now.  Instead of saying someone was struck with a blade, or stabbed with a blade, we can find even more descriptive words like impaled by a blade or skewered by a blade.

Great screenwriters try to find the most powerful words possible to describe and involve the reader in the scenes they’re imagining.  We are always looking for strong but simple words.

The following is from an article by William Martell, who teaches screenwriting courses around the country.

You can easily write Fred walks into the room.

But ‘walks’ is extremely generic.  There are many synonyms for “walk.”  Fred can saunter in, stride in, strut in, stroll in, march in, bounce in, etc.  These other variations give us specific ways of moving but also adds to action and character.

Another trick is not to describe how something LOOKS but how it FEELS.  The production designer will decide what a room looks like, the casting director will decide what a character looks like… That leaves us describing ATTITUDES.

Martell uses the following description to elucidate this point.

EXT. URBAN JUNGLE, 2019 AD – EVENING

The wreckage of civilization.  Crumbled buildings, burned out cars, streets pock-marked by war.  Downed power lines arc and spark on the street.  This place makes Hell look like Beverly Hills… Except the battered twisted metal sign reads:  “Beverly Hills.”  Night is falling.  Fingers of shadow reach out to grab anyone foolish enough to be in this part of town.

Between the arcing and the sparking power lines and the fingers of shadow, the screenwriter here shows us how the future FEELS.  Frightening, ugly, dangerours.

The narrative is also concise and has great imagery and rhythm.  This is what I mean by poetic writing.  Use imagery, alliteration, metaphors, just like you learned in English classes.

Lawrence Kasdan achieved this brilliantly in Body Heat.  He describes Teddy Laurson as “rock and roll arsonist.”

A great example of alliteration:  “rock and roll.”  Kasdan managers here to convey Teddy’s occupation and attitude which allows us to imagine details about him without having to spell them all out – his number of tattoos to hair length and personal grooming to wardrobe in only four words.  Wonderful.

We will spend more time on this subject.

Until then – KEEP WRITING!

Share this: